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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Kicking my coke habit

Well, friends, I'm not going to lie to you; it's been a tough week for me. I've been detoxing for five days now and hopefully the worst of it is behind me. If I can just make it a few more days, I think I'll be in the clear. Last night, though, I was seriously jonesin'. I had to work late and I just didn't think I could get by without it. First it was the angel and the devil scenario. Then, the devil pummelled the angel into submission and I almost gave up. "Come on, man, it's not that bad for you. It's only a quarter. Don't worry about it. You can get back on track tomorrow. All the cool kids are doing it." But I stonewalled that mother fucker and I held strong. "Tonight is not going to be the night that I relapse!" I told myself over and over again. I got a headache. I got the shakes. It was tough, but I made it through.

This isn't the first time that I've tried to quit. I've quit before and been successful for a short while. I quit once after college for a while and obviously I quit when I found out I was pregnant. The first time I quit, it was horrible. I worked at a restaurant at the time. That shit is in abundance in a restaurant. I couldn't get through a single shift without some jackass bringing it up in conversation. It was as if I had engaged in a strange form of self-loathing torture. What on earth was I thinking? But you know what, I made it through that time and I'm going to get through this time as well. I mean, this time I've got a family to think about!

Oh man, if I can just get through this first week, I think I'll stop feeling so strung-out. In order to get by, I have taken solace in other stimulants, namely coffee. It really can't compare, but it helps me get through the day. I haven't told anyone that I quit cold-turkey, but I don't think anybody really realized how bad my problem was. I was really good about doing it discreetly and destroying all evidence afterwards.

The biggest problem that I am having right now is that it is so fucking ubiquitous. Coca-cola, I hate you and your evil empire. Let me have my life back. I want to free my brain from your strangle hold. I don't want to feel compelled to turn into every drive-thru I pass just to get you. I don't want to crave you anymore. I don't even like any of your family members--in fact most of them repulse me. I can't stand your partner "Diet" and I think your sister "Sprite" is a poor excuse for a carbonated beverage. Oh, and your arch nemeses, the Pepsi gang? I had a relationship with one of them on the side--Mt. Dew. That's right, Coke, take that. You wanna know what? Sometimes I found Mt. Dew to be more fulfilling than you. There, I said it. Oh man, the weight of the world is off my shoulders! Goodbye Coke! I know I can do this now!

2 comments:

Mel said...

LOL Kristi -- I snarf down 6-8 cokes (diet, mostly) a day so I feel your pain. I switched to caffiene free while pregnant, which I realize is a pointless thing to drink, but I COULDN'T STOP. I love your writing and that you have a trucker mouth. Yay. I'm not the only (fucking) one. :)

Mel

Natalie said...

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!! I am cracking up!! That was the best!

Mtdew... ROFL!!!!!!!