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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

ADD IT UP


You guys, when it comes to cleaning, I'm pretty sure I've got some form of ADD. I've got nothing but the best of intentions when it comes to cleaning the filth pit that I call my house (OK, not so much filth as general mess). Me trying to clean goes a little something like this:

First, I convince myself that I just need to focus on one room at a time. So, maybe I pick the kitchen. I start clearing out some of the clutter, throwing things away and putting them back where they belong.

Brain Dialogue: "Oh look--cold medicine from when we were sick three weeks ago. I'd better go into the bathroom and put that in the linen closet." [off to the bathroom I go]

"Dear lord! Would you look at what a mess this bathroom is? I know I'm working on the kitchen right now, but if I could just pick up a few things in here, I'm sure it would look MUCH better!"

So, I pick up the clothes that have gathered on the floor, and I start to clean up the vanity when I happen to glance into the mirror.

"Wow! These eyebrows need some serious grooming!" So, I do that for 10 minutes. "Oh look--there's my dental floss. Better floss my teeth! La la la la la. love in an elevator..."

Then it occurs to me that I was supposed to be cleaning--focusing on the kitchen, as a matter of fact. So, I go back to the kitchen. I trip over a toy on the floor, and I take it into the living room, where I notice a new magazine that I haven't read yet. I start flipping through the magazine. Five minutes later, I head back to the kitchen with a renewed sense of purpose.

"You know, maybe I should just wash the dishes. That way I won't be as easily distracted." But, before I start the dishes, I remember that there was a cup sitting next to the computer, which I had better go get so I can wash it. Unfortunately, in the process of getting the cup, I come too close to the internet force field and ohmygodit'sbeenatleast30minutessinceIcheckedmyemail!!!!! Easily a half hour passes before I realize that I'm thirsty, and I return to the kitchen without the cup that I was getting in the first place.

I think I'm going to write a book in the style of Laura Numeroff. It will be called, "If you give a housewife a cocktail."

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure who Laura Numeroff is. It was a great day in Kristiville though. I learned today that really smart people can suffer from premature Alzheimer's just like me, but what makes them smart is the ability to turn it into a funny anecdote that brings jollity.

elisa said...

Who is your anonymous poster? LOL

I have the same sort of problem. I've found it helpful to just do basic stuff, like wash the dishes, put the dishes away, clean the sink; make the bed, pick up toys, windex windex windex -- makes stuff look clean anyway.

Meanwhile, my house currently is a mess, but i think i've got a good excuse, for now.

greenfish said...

Dude, you just told my whole life story in that little bit. Every time I go to clean, it always goes like that. I literally laughed my ass off.

(Ouch.)

Natalie said...

I laughed, I cried, I commisserated.

Heidi said...

Haha! I totally just pictured you roaming around your house doing all that stuff. Funny! Personally, I have the OPPOSITE problem. If I decide to, let's say, clean the bathroom, I'll start with the tub, and I'll get so anal about that one part of the room being spotless that by the time the tub is finished, I have no energy to do anything else. But man, is my tub immaculate! And when it comes to picking things up, like straightening my bedroom, I'll make piles of stuff that needs to go into different rooms, but I'll be pooped from making the piles and won't ever get around to actually moving them. And when I tidy up the living room, I just shove everything into my bedroom to deal with later.

I've got problems.