Monday, April 17, 2006

If I still lived with my parents, I'd be so much stinkier

Since Chris had to leave town on Thursday for a family emergency in Florida, I decided to take Eric to my parents' house for the weekend. I always forget how much I hate staying at my parents' house, though, until I'm there. You see, my parents moved into the house they currently live in the summer before I got married. I technically still lived at home, but I was quite frequently staying elsewhere. I hated the fact that they were moving because, although it was only across town, it made my commute to Chicago longer. And, at the time, I only ever wanted to be in Chicago. But anyway.

Let me describe my shower experience from the first time I ever showered at my parents' new house. It was so exciting because I had my very own bathroom! For the first (and probably last) time in my life. I started the water and everything seemed relatively normal. Except, not only did this new house have well water, but it also had a water softener. So the water was stinky and sort of slimy. Gross. Anyway, I got the water going, and it seemed fine. The water pressure was OK--could've been better, but I'd definitely experienced worse. I got in the shower and I started shampooing my hair. At that point, I was really wishing the water pressure was a little stronger. Because. Let me explain something here. My hair? It's thick. Really thick. Imagine putting soap on a sponge. You know how long you have to rinse and squeeze that sponge until the water runs clear again? That's my hair. Anyway, as if by magic, the water pressure suddenly increased 100%! "Wow! This is great," I thought. But then. AHHHH. IT'S BURNING! IT'S BURNING! IT'S BURNING! And as the shampoo ran down into my eyes, I desperately tried to find a spot in the tub where the least amount of water could touch me. It happened to be at the opposite side of the tub from the shower head. So, I tried to think of some way I could redirect the shower head to not spray me while I adjusted the water temperature. There was no way I could reach it from where I was, though--I just had to get scalded. I turned the faucet toward the cold side until the temperature was reasonable again, and I rinsed the soap out of my eyes. Then the water pressure dropped back down to where it was when I first started showering. Once again, I started the tedious process of rinsing my hair. But then. YOWIE! IT'S FREEZING! IT'S FREEZING! IT'S FREEZING! IT'S FREEZING! I reached up and redirected the shower head to the corner, and I began playing with the temperature again. I got it to be warm once again, and again tried to rinse the shampoo. The water pressure suddenly doubled, but this time I was on guard. I pointed the shower head straight down and I stood as far back as I could while only leaning my head into the stream of water. And the burning-freezing scenario continued for the duration of my shower. I was probably in the shower for more than 30 minutes, where about 6 minutes were at a reasonable temperature for a shower. Then, when I came out of the bathroom, my mom said something to the effect of, "I thought you were going to take a quick shower!"

Anyway, the moral of the story here is that if you're ever for any reason showering at my parents' house, whatever you do, do not attempt to manually change the water temperature once you've begun the shower process. It only makes it worse. Just be prepared to spend the majority of your shower standing somewhere other than in the stream of water.


Anonymous said...

I truly believe some shower knob purveyors should be sued for false advertising, as "hot" and "cold" on shower handles so often do not mean what they usually mean in ordinary parlance. It is unfathomable, in an age in which technology allows us to create heat-seeking missiles and robotic drones for warfare, that we cannot find the technology to manufacture showers to consistently spew water at a temperature suitable for human bathing.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Anonymous Commenter, I echo your comments and wish merely to add that in the world that I dream of (or that may already exist but I am simply unable to afford) I would like an option where after I get the water at the temperature of my choice, I can save that temperature and use it again on future showering ventures. (similar to the remember my password function--not that what I said was that complicated to understand---but I just felt that I would throw that out there for those who favor gratuitous analogizing.)

Kristi said...

Wow! I must say, anonymous deux, that is an awesome idea! You are so smart! AMERICAN INVENTOR, HERE I COME! I've already applied for the patent. Fame and fortune, here I come! (Don't worry, I'll occasionaly think of you and have some goodies sent to The Weeze [Oizz?]. But it will never be enough for everyone to share nicely. And singing telegrams. There will be singing telegrams from me as well. To say something to the effect of, "Thanks for giving me the idea that changed my life, you big dummie. I hope old Bone Bags hasn't eaten you alive.")

:) just kidding, of course...or am i?

Heidi said...

Hah! Reminds me of the shower at MY parents' house, which I did grow up in. Before a shower I would have to yell downstairs to whomever was down there that I intended to take a shower and that under no circumstances was anyone allowed to a) flush a toilet, b) run the dishwasher, or c) do laundry, for the duration of said shower. In our house, these were the things that caused the sudden changes in temperature and pressure. Well, that and the whims of the shower gods.