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Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Mulligan, please.

Some days I have an overwhelming desire to escape from my current set of circumstances. To just stop, wipe the slate clean and start over. Instead I sometimes feel like I set up a trap for myself from which I have no hope of getting out. I know that I made the choices that led me to where I am now, but maybe in hindsight I didn't make such great choices. I made choices that left me with no breathing room and now I'm upset because I'm suffocating. I get that. I'm just so tired of it all. I'm tired of screaming at my kids every morning to stop being kids and just hurry up and get dressed already because we're late. I'm tired of paying more for daycare in a year than my husband pays to some of his full-time employees. I'm tired of being stressed about money. I'm tired of feeling like we expend so much effort but never get ahead. I really, really feel like I'm on the edge of snapping. The final straw is near, I just don't know how near. It's plan-formulating time, though. I'm pretty sure Chris feels the same way. We need to find some happiness because right now we're just going through the motions day in and day out.

3 comments:

Kevin said...

Kristi.....

What is the new story of Kristi's life?

Anonymous said...

I'm touched and I can understand how you might feel that way. What does it mean to "get ahead" though? What greater accomplishment is there than to finish each day as a good parent and a good person? Maybe to keep your chin up in the face of everyday obstacles is more meaningful than to do great things at once. I think you need a vacation--a little pleasure and relaxation will help you. There can be no doubt that you will do great things with your life, even if it's just working hard every day and making it through. I have no doubt, though, that when the time comes, you will do something traditionally thought of as "great".

Kristi said...

Kevin:

Are we acquainted? Just curious.

Anon:

Thank you.

~K