Monday, February 20, 2006

Stupid is as stupid does.

Eric hasn't been acting totally normal lately. He's been more grumpy than usual. He gets frustrated easier. He throws tantrums more regularly. Last week, he had a fever for a couple of days, plus he was repeatedly sticking his fingers in his ears, coughing and not sleeping well. So...I took him to the doctor only to be told that absolutely nothing was wrong with him. OK. Some of that behavioral stuff could be developmental, I understand that. And, now he has a cold (his twelveteenth this winter...ugh), so maybe that's part of it too, even though it's not that bad of a cold (I have it too). But, for the past couple of days, he's had a new symptom. Excessive drooling. So, on top of the cold, I think maybe he's also teething.

When he was littler, it was pretty easy to tell if he was teething. I could look in his mouth fairly easily. Now is a different story. He already has a lot of teeth, and is very protective of them. Sometimes I can tip him upside down and get a good look in his mouth as he screams in delight (or terror, as the case may be). So, I've tried that, but I still can't really tell if he's cutting teeth. But the, he'd better be cutting teeth or I don't know what I'm going to do with him. Plus, he's been chewing on his hands lately too, which is also something that he doesn't normally do. Must be teeth, right?

So, today, I get the bright idea that maybe it's his second set of molars coming in, and maybe I should feel around back there. So I warn him, "Eric, Mommy's going to feel your gums to see if you have teeth coming in. Please don't bite me." And what does he do? He bites me. HARD. Like, I could've picked up all 27 pounds of him with one finger because he was so well attached to it. Except I was too busy screaming to try that potentially nifty trick. "OW! Eric stop biting! OW OW OW! Let go of my finger! ERIC STOP IT NOW !!!!!" After which, he let go and then proceeded to sob like it was I who bit him.

So he (I think) has a molar coming in, and I have a couple of bruises on my index finger, the general size and shape of baby teeth. The moral of this story is to never stick your finger into the mouth of a toddler, even if you preface the act with, "Please don't bite me." The temptation is just too great. And, because I'm clairvoyant, I know what you're thinking: "No shit, genious."


Anonymous said...

Three cheers to you for such restraint--I think my mother would have busted a cap in my hiney if I did that to her. You should sue your child for assault, battery, false imprisonment, or some form of willful and wanton negligence. That might teach him a lesson or two about what happens when you intentionally bite your mother after being told not to.

Anonymous said...

You are a genius Kristus and don't let no one tell you different!!

I also must say that the previous anonymous commenter's suggesting of suing your child is inappropriate and likely grounds for a made for tv movie.

Dr. Vortex said...

Should I point out that a true 'genious' might spell the word correctly? heeheehee.
I should probably point out though that the window for punishing the boy has passed. Even if you were inclined to 'show him what it felt like' by 'chomping down on his wee little hand' or 'giving him a reason to cry' by 'bitchslapping him into the middle of next week', the timeframe is no longer appropriate. Doing so now will only cause confusion and, uh, flatulence in the child, yeah. But back then, oof! Man, it woulda been like an awesome beatdown on your own personal idiotic drunken midget wrestling partner, and the boy would've loved every minute of your lunatic discipline! Yes, the workday sure goes faster imagining what that would be like...

verification word: wfxozcur!

Kristi said...

Dr. McVortex:

Please see my previous post entitled, "As it turns out..." for information on how I feel about proofreading. It's entirely possible that I could still be a true djeenyus.

Additionally, thanks to everyone for the great advice on child rearing. I will be trying out some of your suggestions as the need arises, including making an afterschool special about my life.

Word verification: htcnygi--it kinda sounds like an STD, or at the very least, a personal problem.

Kristi said...

Ahhhhhh. Dangling. Modifier. Killing. Me. s l o w l y.

It's now time to employ an improv game called "Should've said."

Should've said:

I will be trying out some of your suggestions, including making an afterschool special about my life, as the need arises.

GreenFish said...

Boy, you make me SO look forward to motherhood. I will be freaking out every other second.

I'm glad you're here to teach me what to and what not to freak out about. You're the best!