Friday, March 03, 2006

Kristi's Driving Advice: Installment One

Dear Driver who is several cars back at the red light and feels the need to honk the moment the light turns green:

Do the world a favor and drive off a cliff, asshole. We can all see that the light is green. See how we are starting to move? But, since you obviously don't get it, let me fill you in on a little secret: because you honked, we are all now driving extra slow, just to piss you off. Way to go, smart guy.

Basically, the way I see it is that you have two options: leave earlier so that you are not in a hurry, or come to terms with your lateness. I, in a moment of zen-like clarity, chose the second option.

I would offer a third option, wherein you would develop the technology to teleport or make cars fly, but it is already clear to me that you don't have the brains that god gave a piss ant. So, we'll have to work around that. But, for the love of all things sacred and holy, PLEASE LAY OFF THE FRICKIN HORN.

Much love,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Three cheers to you for your fun and inspirational points. I would have gladly traded something I cherish, such as an expired coupon of value in excess of $0.75, in exchange for this lesson on the fundamentals of zen and driving. I owe you one.